When I found love in me, I found love in everyone else"

"When I found love in me, I found love in everyone else"  Yogi Bhajan


LOVE  is definitely in the air.  And on the shelves at CVS and Albertsons and even Pet Depot!
There are lots of ways to express our love around this time of year.  Could be flowers, lingerie or a "mixed tape" of codependent songs.

I kid (because I love) but just for fun I googled the most codependent love  songs and a few that I remember and totally agree with are "I Can't Live if Living is Without You", "How am I Supposed to Live Without You?" and then (a little creepy) is Sting with "Every Breath You Take....I'll be Watching You" and the best "You're having my baby.  You're a woman in love and I love what it's doing to ya."  I loved it in the 70's, but I don't know, it kind of creeps me out now.

I mean, seriously folks, is THAT what love is?   I think we know better, yes?

Okay, disclaimer:  I am single but this blog is, in no way,  meant to defend a single person's right to remain so (well maybe a little...) or to bust the chops of anyone in a relationship.

When I was in a  relationship, I loved Valentines Day! It is a wonderful day to simply lavish attention on each other (as long as your partner is into that sort of thing).

But my first few years of being single I was a little sad, yet determined to show the world how much fun it was to be unattached!  Dancing at Mickeys in West Hollywood with all the beautiful gay boys, or going on an episode of "Hell's Kitchen"  with some girl friends.  Anything to say "I don't need to be in love to have fun!"

At the end of the night you come home alone...and then what? At first, I was really sad, for a long time.  Then I got tired of being sad.  Then I realized there must be something more.  Then I met all kinds of people who helped me realize there absolutely had to be something more.  Then I felt there was something wrong with me.  I simply couldn't connect.  I was always trying to be sexy or younger or something I wasn't just to impress someone. Then I just stopped.  All of it.   

I am content.  It has taken me years to feel it, but I am happy.  My Mother worries about me and thinks every time I have a date, that HE is THE ONE.  My friends consistently ask me after returning from vacation "Did you meet HIM?"
People want to know if I am dating someone or interested in anyone. I used to get tired of saying "No"  but not anymore. 

I have found that there is something more, but it is not OUT THERE.  
If I am looking for love outside myself or someone to complete me or make me whole, then I am barking up the wrong tree! 

If you cannot plant your own garden, then you will never find anyone who can do it for you.  you really do have to learn to love your own company.  To love yourself.  And not in a "OMG you are so hot I want to make out with the mirror" kind of  way.  But in a way that you start to see a bigger picture.  That you have a purpose.  You are special and have gifts to offer this world that no one else has.  Each one of us.  Completely unique! When you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start to realize your potential, then you can open your heart to include even more people.  You start to realize we all share the same feelings like heartache and love and disappointment and joy. And  "The Grinch's heart grew 3 sizes that day".  It's called compassion and it leads to such love.

You don't see anyone as "the other"  but as an extension of yourself. The mega rich, the homeless, the veteran of war, the politician, the CEO, the Pope,  the person who mows your lawn every week,  and the landlord.

I choose to be  in love.  Really.  Almost everyday.  And you can say I am off my rocker, nuts, a big tree hugging hippy, dingbat, crazy, and a fool and you would be right.  If I wake up and I am a little off I can tune right back into that love by watching the sunrise, seeing my dog smile, hearing the crows in the morning.  So many reasons to feel love.  To feel connected with all.

I've seen how it can work. To be in a relationship. My Mom and Dad, My sister and her husband, my son and his girlfriend, my niece and her husband, my nephew and his girlfriend, my friends who have loving partners, my long time married friends.  They come into the relationship as whole people.  No one is coming into it to fix the other or change the other.  They work at a relationship, but they also laugh and have fun.  I know how it can be and one day I may  be in a relationship with someone who loves themselves too.  But for now I am enough.  I am Love!

Love you!


"A thousand half loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home"  Rumi